Colorism is the Cancer of the Black Community Part 1

This topic had been on my mind for a little bit; I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do a post on it or whether I could do a post on such a topic and be right on the money with it; however, my decision came in the form of various signs. The first sign is with the Documentary that is coming out, detailing the issues of colorism in the Black Community (being a dark-skinned Black woman) with personal accounts from dark-skinned women. Here is a preview of the documentary that was posted on a girl’s tumblr page: hatethemorlovethem. The second sign was with whole Beyoncé being lightened up for her new album cover, along with the bleaching of Sammy Sosa. But the most convincing sign was this lady right here. Her video resonated so deeply with me because we had similar experiences and we did similar things to hide ourselves or to not have to deal with the negativity thrown at us, simply for being dark-skinned.

I cannot say that every dark-skinned female has been treated with malice, or called names, nor can I say that every dark-skinned female has felt ashamed of their skin and wanted to be light-skinned, yet for those that have been through these feelings and experiences and having experienced it for myself, I can speak on it.

Another point I want to make is that colorism is not limited to the Black community, it is expressed in many people of color’s culture, yet as a Black person I can mostly focus on the Black Community.

Colorism, a word that I can’t really find in a print dictionary, maybe due to the dictionaries being old, but I would rather define the word myself based on my experiences. Colorism in the cancer of the Black Community, it is the seed of self-hate and years of conditioning, it is rejecting your origin to become something else, it is the virus of viewing and treating one person as inferior because they do not fit what is deemed acceptable. And in this case, it is treating darker-skinned women as less than inferior because of psychological enslavement that helps the oppressed accept what their masters deem as desirable.

In the black community you are to be everything, but black especially if you are a woman. The average attractive Black woman must be light-skinned, with “good hair” and/or long hair and little to none African features. This is the type of Black woman who is put on the pedestal, this is the type of black woman who is as close to white as possible, and this is the type of black woman who white America can tolerate. The saddest thing of all, this is the type of Black woman who other blacks should wish to become, or have on their arms.

Yet, when it comes to dark-skinned black woman, those are the ones that are ugly, those are the ones that have “nappy” hair, those are the ones that white America cannot accept, those are the ones who should have kids outside their race in hopes to not continue their kind, and those are the types that are too black. This is the mindset that plagues a lot of youths in the Black community, this is the sickening, garbage projected to their young minds through the media, in their households, and in their communities.

I can go through the whole backstory of slavery, but I don’t have the patience so I will get to the point. Black in America is looked at as something to evolve from, something to be bred out and subconsciously we teach our young this foolishness. We teach them this mindset when we make dark-skinned jokes, when we treat one kid better than the others because they are light-skinned, when we use bleaching cream products, when we put bleaching cream on them, when we make hurtful remarks toward them about their skin tone, or let them watch TV programs that crowd their head with illusions. All this and so much more is what creates the world of white or light is right and brown or black is wrong.

Colorism at one point was targeted at both dark-skinned males and females, but then all of a sudden, light-skinned guys went out of style and dark-skinned guys came in; wow if some of the dark-skinned guys weren’t jumping for joy then. But how quickly did they turn the very taunts that haunted them on to their dark-skinned women, refusing to date them simple because of how dark they were.

Now and for a while, colorism targets the dark-skinned woman. For many years growing up through all the comments, the taunts, and the fighting I always wondered why and soon I got it. One woman during a video a long time ago made a very powerful statement she stated that you would see the Idris Elba’s, the Tyrese’s, the Taye Digg’s and all those other gorgeous dark-skinned men in Hollywood, but you would never see the women that gave birth to them. Why is that? Why are there not a lot of Kelly Rowland’s, Julie Pace Mitchell’s, and the Lauryn Hill’s and so on?

The answer becomes simple, in order to control something or contain it, you have to attack the source. What better what to keep blacks from continuing their kind than to attack the very person that gives birth to their kind? And that has and will always been the black woman, especially the dark-skinned black woman. Even in slavery they attacked her so why not continue? And by doing so many Blacks, male and female, both dark and light have turned against their mother. They have disrespected the dark-skinned woman when she is their mother, grandmother, sister, cousin, child, aunt, and so on.

The girls in the two videos above made me feel like I was looking at me. I use to blare my headphones loud so I couldn’t hear what people said about me, I was teased for always being the dark-skinned girl, heck other dark-skinned girls avoided me, people who didn’t know me would make negative comments about me or I always got that “pretty for a dark-skinned girl” foolishness. I have seen people bleach and the results of it, (Heck I know at least 3 different colors of bleaching cream boxes, and if I can tap well into my memory bank I can remember how to mix it) I have at times hated being dark-skinned. There were times when I would look down at the floor when I walked, I would do everything in my power not to be picked on, not to be noticed, only to have to go through the whole process of being called out on because I’m dark-skinned.

Many women, many girls, dark-skinned are going through this and many have grown up caring these scars. It hurts and stings more when it’s from your own kind, your own people treating you a certain way because they have been so conditioned. I’m too emotional right now to be coherent enough, so I will try to get it together by part 2.

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Happy Africa Day!!!

Alright, I just found out that there is a day that exists, called Africa Day and its today!!!! *blows whistle and throws confetti everywhere*

Okay so to all my African’s and their descendents, no matter where you are this day is all for you, EVERYDAY SHOULD BE FOR YOU!, so right now, I’m excited. It’s Africa Day and I’m mad I just heard about this, smh. But hey here is a wonderful picture for you guys:

Beautiful isn’t it? I want to shout out love to the whole continent of Africa, to the West, the North, the East, and the South. I want to thank my continent and my country and my people for simply being my ancestors and I thank God for allowing me to be a descendent from such a strong people.

I want to also bring attention to some of the mishaps that are taking place in the continent, in Libya African’s are being killed for no reason, and no I am not talking about the Libyans themselves, but African immigrants that moved to the country are being targeted because of Gadaffi. I honestly cannot say the man is innocent, but I don’t believe all the bad hype surrounding him; however, the Libyans people beef is with him and not with the innocent African’s that they are targeting.

In the Congo and Cote d’Ivoire, better known as the Ivory Coast, wars are happening that are leaving a high number of women and girls raped. Of course there is not much done to shed light on this in the media because neither place has enough oil, to be a primary concern to Europe or America. Yet, this is a call of humanity, of being human. I don’t like foreign interference in African affairs so my call isn’t so much to the European government or the American government, but to the government of the various African countries to intervene and stop this.

These women could be your mother, your wife, your sister, your aunt, your grandmother, your great-grandmother, these women could even be YOU. I ask for others online everywhere to bring awareness to this issue, a womans womanhood is one of the most precious things God has given women and it is not something to be tainted or made a mockery of, so please become involved.

I hope that with all this being said, Africans and their descendents can come together and not only celebrate being African, but also to help their fellow Africans as well.

Kindness=Weakness & Quiet=Conceited?

This is a topic that I have thought about for years and since having my own personal run in with the conflicts based on what this post will revolve around, I think this is the best time to explain it. The definition for these words will come from www.Dictionary.com and of course there will be various definitions depending on what source you look up the words in.

Kindness- a kind, considerate, or helpful act

Weakness- (1) the state or quality of being weak; lack of strength, firmness, vigor, (2) a deficiency or failing, as in a person’s character

Silence- peace; peaceful condition of affairs

Conceited- having a high or exaggerated opinion of oneself or one’s accomplishments.

In society, there is this whole fashion trend, yes a fashion trend, of being “hard.” You are just so vicious and so on your game and you could be the biggest female dog or the toughest guy that no one wants to cross or knows better not to cross. In the cycle of hardness, everyone wants the power that comes with being “hard” even if they are simply playing pretend, which majority are. For some it’s a part of whom they are and for others they do it because it is how they want others to view them.

Due to this fashion trend a person who is kind or nice is considered weak, able to be pushed around and so on. Now if you look again at the definitions of kindness and weakness it seems as though kindness is a deficiency in a person’s character, meaning that it is a fault that needs to be removed. This type of perverted outlook toward kindness and weakness can be seen in the history books when we are taught about the Ancient European societies and even what we believe a leader should be and how a leader should act. Ask someone what they would define as a leader, the average description would include a male or female that is aggressive, that shows no mercy to their enemies, a person that is feared, puts people in their place, and will be quick to make important decisions with little time left on the clock. However, the word kind does not make that list because it is seen as weakness, a weakness that a human being cannot have if they are to be a leader. Take the average description of leader and apply it to the tyrants that history has recorded, all of them were aggressive, ruthless, showed no mercy to their enemies, they were feared, they put people in their place, and made split second decisions and yet they are infamous. The likes of Benito Mussolini, Adolf Hitler, Abraham Lincoln (I will not explain this, you should have taken history), and so on. They exemplified what a leader should be, but without kindness they slaughtered many of their own citizens and were quick to oppress the people they deemed unworthy.

Now apply this to the high school and college setting. The popular kids or the kids in cliques, are usually just ridiculously rude and horrible, they lack any sort of kindness and make no apology for it and for that reason they are feared and of course popular. However, take a person who is kind and does not fall into the fashion trend, of being hard, and they are looked at as being easy to control, manipulate, easy to be used as a doormat and such. I have gone through this and it always resulted in me having to put people in their place; anyone could be a rude individual it’s so much the norm now, that people fall into it and don’t know how to get out of it. Yet, it takes a different type of person to be kind, one that does not look to validate themselves by the social norm, but who look to simply be who they are. Lauryn Hill, said it best in her song Forgive Them Father, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTQL42onK08, “If I treat you kindly does it mean that I’m weak? You hear me speak and think I won’t take it to the streets.”

Now to the second part of the post, I have never understood how a person who is quiet must be conceited. Why can’t it be that the person is shy, or doesn’t like to talk? But nope, immediately he or she is labeled as a stuck-up individual, who thinks they are all that, and feel as though they are too good to socialize with the rest. It’s always funny how it’s never the person who is quiet that says this; it’s the people around them that do, without ever knowing the person or getting to know them. I have many friends who this has happened to, many feel that they are mean and rude, but these friends are pretty, so that may contribute to it. Pretty people are always portrayed as one way, which is snotty, now yes there are those that are like that, but there are also those who are some of the sweetest people you will ever meet.

In my situation, one of the girl’s hating wanted to cut off my hair, when I recently got it done at the time, (That day she would have died, straight up), then she complained about how I acted like I was better than people. Take into account that I didn’t know her name and I never talked to her before, and the fact that I only talked to at least two or three people in the whole class. As I have gotten older I have learned the truth, sometimes it’s not what you say or how you view yourself that makes some people view you like that, it’s how they view you.

So to finish this off, if you think kindness equates with being weak, than you’re not as intelligent as you think. In fact to be kind in a world that pushes, promotes, and capitalizes on being the very opposite, you are truly stronger than your other counterparts that cannot. If you see someone who is quiet don’t think they are being conceited because that is not always the case and you can end up losing a chance at a good friend because of your incorrect pre-judgments.

Really WWE, Really?

Alright so anyone that knows me know that I grew up on wrestling, I enjoyed the storylines, the moves, the wrestlers 😉 and overall the excitement of the crowd as well as the trash talking. All in all, wrestling was entertainment and that is what the WWE provided for me, until I finally saw a lot of glaring faults of the company. At first glance you would not notice it maybe, but when continuing to watch it, whether its Smackdown or RAW, you notice there is a continuous list of things the writers put in promos that in honesty is not needed. The topic my friends is racism, yes racism.

Now first thing first, the WWE is run by a white man and the majority of wrestlers on both brands are white, which plays a role into how the business treats its wrestlers of color (WOCs) and please do not steal it, it’s mine! Now anyway the first person that brought insight into the brands nonsense is the wrestler known as JTG, yep that man right there—>JTG  Now he is the complete stereotype of black males, chains, timberlands, showing underwear, talking crazy and from the hood *bows head*. Yep, but Vince McMahon has no problems using him for the effect of “stereotypes are funny.” Now I’ve been told that this man came up with the gimmick himself and if that is true, than I wish that someone would slap him upside the head with a Malcolm X book and there are a lot of them. Don’t get me wrong, JTG is a good wrestler and has a lot of skill and potential, but it’s wasted away by his gimmick, they use him to big up the talent of other wrestlers, he is like the black stereotypical comic relief character that we see in movies and TV Shows, but this time its in the WWE, the wrestling world.

Next runner-up is a man who honestly I can’t decide whether he is just as bad as JTG or worse, either way he’s bad enough to make the list. R-truth, real name Ron Killings is a man who in reality comes from the streets and he’s had his own run in with the law before, a fact that one of the announcers has no problem continuously talking about, and is a great wrestler.The man is entertaining in the ring, okay on the mic, and seriously look at that man’s skin, it screams beauty! And that smile… Back to the subject either way he is a stereotype too. He raps,(nothing wrong with that honestly), he dances, *side eye*, and they recently turned him into a heel, a bad guy, but they did it in a way that wasn’t unique, it fell into the angry black man stereotype category and a few black fans felt that way also. Now with this one WWE truly pissed me off, they seemed as though they would be finally giving him a push, they would finally capitalize on how good he is as a wrestler, with allowing him to win a huge wrestling event, but all hope was dashed when they allowed him to lose a rematch with his white counterpart pushing him back to the back of the line. That for me stung personally, because I was really hoping to see them give him the attention and praise he deserve, but yeah his gimmick reminds me of the shucking and jiving crap that white folks enjoyed during slavery, after slavery, and oh! Even in 2011.

Now this guy seriously when I think about it, should not be on the list, but he’s too important to the stupidity that plagues the WWE and its mistreatment of minority wrestlers, especially African male wrestlers. Kofi Kingston,  this man is one of my favorite wrestlers, too bad he had to make the list smh, but honestly I respect him. He is Ghanaian hence the name Kofi and he truly is beautiful he’s like a Ghanaian King, with that skin. I have a thing for deep complected skin that looks amazing, and he seems genuinely like a good guy. His wrestling is great, on the mic he entertains, and with the fans he really seems to interact. BUT there are people who believe he’s Jamaican and you know why? Cause the WWE decided it wouldn’t be as great to market him as the West African, Ghanaian, man that he truly is, no, no, no, no, they decided since he had dreads it would be better to market him as a Jamaican, complete with the stereotypical Jamaican accent, and to have him rocking the green, gold, and yellow. Maybe to some it’s no big deal, but I find it messed up,(Heck, his mother wasn’t feeling it either!) I could see if the man was Jamaican but he’s not and to market him as such is stupid and than to make the man have the accent, sounding stupid, is even worse.(I just don’t like the fact the dude agreed to that gimmick, SMH!).Now he is playing himself and they mention that he comes from West African, but they never say Ghana, but I’ll take what I can take.

Another guy is Ezekiel JacksonHe is Guinean and is a phenomenal wrestler, since I haven’t seen him wrestle for a long time, there’s not much I can say about him except that I dislike how they used him as that physically strong black man and didn’t really portray him as anything else, but that. Now he’s getting air time and is now solo and doing his thing, but I will not get my hopes up and believe that the WWE will market him properly.

The last guy I will focus on will be Mark Henry. He is a wrestler that has been with the WWE for over a decade, yet they have buried him too many times to count. Now I get it the guy is big and he can’t do all the high flying crap in the ring, but look at Big Show, look how well they market him, so there is no excuse and by the picture right there, he can do just enough. I have seen men that have not been in the business as long as Mark get airtime after airtime, push after push, and get marketed so good fans actually think they can wrestle, but he has never been given that opportunity the right way. Currently he is getting his deserved push, but similar to R-Truth, he is now the stereotyped angry black man, smh.

Black Women in Wrestling

Okay so there are many males I can go on and on about, but I will stop it there. Now when it comes to the women in WWE they are not treated any better, they are treated as mostly eye candy for the male viewers and their matches are more about make-up, skimpy outfits, and pulling hair than wrestling. Now don’t get me wrong, the women I’m sure can wrestle, but let’s just say that’s the least of their abilities that WWE cares to capitalize on, but as for the Black women wrestlers, which aren’t many, they are buried more than anything.

 For starters this is Alicia Fox, a female wrestler that I have heard can actually wrestle, but leave it up to the company that she works for you would never know that. Now in the beginning I first had a problem with how they would show a super petite black woman, but then have thick white woman, yes that bugged me. I’m not saying there are not petite Black women and curvy white women because there are, but I mean come on! Moving on, she is never pushed, or really given a decent storyline, which angers me. Now of course she has haters that talk about her weave or wig, despite the fact that majority of the white women wrestlers wear weave, and some complain that she looks like a transvestite, something which obviously from the picture is far from true.

 This is Layla, she’s Black and White, and in America that makes her Black, and so is President Barrack O’ Bama! Continuing, she had a nice run as a heel wrestler and has even been given a nice push, but there is so much more that can be done with her and seriously the way they made her the lap dog of her wrestling partner Michelle McCool, seriously had me thinking that the WWE was trying to create a female version of Driving Ms. Daisy.

Now this chick right here is my favorite! Her name is Kharma, she dominates and doesn’t apologize, but again she is being misused. Honestly I feel as though she is being used to revamp the stereotype of black women being mean, loud, and monstrous, compared to their delicate white women counterpart. I mean the make-up is supposed to make her look hideous, but I don’t see it; even with all their trying they can’t make her look ugly. I became upset when I say the promo they did for her as her debut was approaching, check it out here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2siWOZwt4A. Some people thought the promo was awesome, dope, so creative, and blah, blah, blah, but when I saw it, it didn’t sit right with me at all. I feel like the video is self-explanatory enough with the glaring stereotype.

I watched the WWE for a long time, but as of now I can say that I am done. I do not like the direction it is heading and the racism that Vince and his writers promote whether it’s from one minority to another or from a white person to a person of color, I do not accept it. By giving them ratings or trending tags on twitter, I’m basically saying that I condone the BS. Some people feel just like I do, but they give the show ratings without a second thought, but are quick to complain about the racism in it. I was like that not too long ago, but I simply cannot stomach it any longer. Maybe when they finally treat these wrestlers right I may come back, but as for now I cannot support it.

Others will feel me on what I’m saying and some will tell me I’m too sensitive and to lighten up a bit and all that jazz, but I can’t be ignorant and happy when the truth is literally staring me down; for those who say to lighten up, I tell you to quit being so blind and to actually think about what I have written. Yes, the WWE will continue to bring in fans, heck its shown all around the world and it literally has a monopoly on the whole wrestling entertainment when it comes to getting various networks to pick it up, but I could careless because they now have one less fan that won’t be giving the thumbs up to their racism every week and laugh it off. America has a foundation based on doing just that, but hey one person can always make a difference, just look at the leaders that have made history.

Florida Passes Law Banning Saggy Pants, Really?

Okay so I just checked out this website http://smileyandwest.ning.com/forum/topics/droopy-drawers-law, and was not impressed with the law passed by Florida banning sagging pants in public schools. Now I’m not a fan of this style of dressing, especially knowing the history of it, but passing a law on it honestly is overboard and unnecessary. Now for those who do not know where the sagging pants style come from, it comes from prison, yes prison think about it….it’ll sink in, anyway the style simply let those in prison alert to the fact that the male in question had been made to bottom to another inmate.

Now why this became some sort of fashion now, I have no idea and really could carless, but I will give the side eye to good ole Mr. Lil Wayne, who I believe, started the trend of buying skinny jeans and sagging them. Rant: For the life of me, I cannot understand the fascination of sagging skinny jeans. Hello! Its called skinny jeans for a reason! It’s supposed to fit you like a second skin, there is no room for air or sagging. If you want saggy pants, then just buy them! Oh and belts are very much supposed to be worn on the waist, not on your thighs or kneecaps!

Now back to the topic at hand, no I do not like sagging pants, yes I feel as though it should be addressed, but should it have its own law? H-E-Double hockey sticks NO! There are more pressing matters that should be addressed, than whether little Tommy likes to show his behind and boxers to the world. What about the states that are trying to pass laws that affect a woman’s right to have an abortion? What about the states that are trying to pass laws that will place a woman in jail if she miscarried? Or what about what they are doing to the residents of Benton Harbor, Michigan, where they are going to cut off their electricity and resources so that they can turn the place into a golf park for people who are wealthy, with no disregard to where the people in Benton Harbor will go? How about the fact that more funds are being cut for schools? Instead, they act like they are doing something and pass superfluous laws that are of minor importance.

If there is anyone that agrees with this law, then I dearly question your priorities along with the very idiots in Florida that signed on this and the person that even thought of this. How a kid chooses to dress should not be up to the state to decide sometimes it’s simply good ole home training, or is that also now archaic? If they are going to ban sagging pants then they need to ban the super short skirts and shorts the little teenage girls wear and then after that maybe they can ban kids and adults from dyeing their hair purple, green, and red. Like seriously, there are more important things to waste money on, it’s funny how there is all this talk of America being in debt, yet this same America is the first to waste money on stupid laws that cost more money than the paper it was signed off on. An example is the TSA body scanner which does the same job as the regular metal detectors, remember those? but are way more expensive. 

If people seriously allow this, then don’t be surprised when they pass more ridiculous laws and call it progress, but maybe just maybe Americans and Florida residents are smart enough to have this struck down and get those dummies removed from office, but a human can dream.

To Sex or Not to Sex?

 The title is taken from the Shakespearian play Hamlet, when Hamlet starts his soliloquy with “To be or not to be”; however, this post deals with sex and females reactions to it as well as what they are told about it.

One can look in various dictionaries, Google search, Yahoo answers, Bing, MSN, and so on to find the definition of sex, which usually describes the physical aspect of the act, which is male genital, penis, into the female genital, the vagina, yet most definitions lack mentioning the emotional aspect and the pressure of it and how it goes beyond the physical experience. I define sex as a physical and emotional combining of two people who have been destined to be together and have matured to understand the difference between lust and true love. Now let’s be honest, most people do not understand the difference between the two L words and usually think they are interchangeable or that lust is an amazing substitute for love.

Sex is thrown constantly in people’s face, talked about, done, thought about, video tapped, fantasized about, and more stuff. Yet again it’s mostly the physical act of two bodies’ and the release known as an orgasm and the other forms such as foreplay and yadda, yadda, yadda. Puberty is one of the worst ages, for most, because it is all that runs through teenager’s minds. I’m saying all this to point out the fact that sex is never explained in its entirety and teenage girls, guys, women, men and so on do not know when or how to hold off from it. It’s gotten to the point that many believe the whole “waiting-till-marriage” mentality is now archaic.

Now again, sex is everywhere because sex sells, but its image and the way that it has been abused has not tainted the very act and has made it more a cheap, easy thrill rather than a special union. Teenage pregnancy is on the rise in America more than any other country around, dispute it if you will, and though many complain about it, no one targets the reasons behind it. For some it’s not having a father in the home, so many girls do not know a positive male role model to know what to recognize in a potential husband, and guys usually feel as though they hold the power simply for having a reproductive organ that hangs between their legs. I am mostly going to focus on the female aspect; for others it’s the pressure to prove to the guy they like or are dating that they truly do love them, and in these cases the guy is able to sweet talk them enough to not use any sort of protection, other than the pull-out method, which is the most ineffective form of protection, just as the women who agreed to the method and ended up pregnant, there is no guarantee the guy will pull out in time and with basic common sense, logic does not support it.

Then there are the ones that believe that they can sleep with enough guys and will in some way find the one and the ones that simply enjoy sex simply because they do, with no strings attached. However the case, the casual attitude toward sex is again a result of society, the images of sex being this positive thing without consequences. Now some may argue that society can’t always be blamed, but watch the shows and movies, even PG-13 ones and can point out as many hints or glimpses or scenes of sex or sexual suggestion and its crazy. Again the market’s target audiences are teens and this is another issue, they are given an illusion without facts and without proper guidance. For example, in Vampire Diaries, a show that I like simple due to the character Bonnie, showed the female lead, Elena and one of the male leads, Stefan, having sex after only knowing one another for a few weeks. There are far more examples I could quote from various TV shows but I’ll end it with Vampire Diaries.

Many girls do not know how to wait when it comes to sex and think that it is something that one jumps in and out, but it’s not, then they get mad when the very opposite of what they believe happens, which crushes any hope for some of them to get on the right path. Yes, most girls will not wait till marriage to have sex, but many should. I cannot even argue the use protection aspect because obviously that is not working. There is not teaching about the ups and downs of sex, the emotional roller coaster, and way it changes girls, especially when they give it up to the wrong guy. I remember a saying that said no matter whether a woman is having casual sex or not, every partner she has will take a piece of her with them. For many women and teen girls this lays at heart of their actions because although they may feel as though they are in control or will be in the end they are really at a disadvantage that will leave them empty without an identity to cling to.

Sex is an act that should be taught to be waited on, simply being with a guy for a few days, weeks, months, and even years does not ensure that it will be forever, that he is the person that you are meant to be with, and that he deserves to enter your very being. There are many people who will say that they wish they had waited for the right person before the engaged in such an act. Sex requires a maturity level that many people lack, no teenager likes to hear that they are not mature for A or B, but in reality none of them are, heck there are adult women that are not mature, age does not equate with wisdom, at least not all the time. Heck I should know, but that’s another story for another time.

When it comes to sex some say that you cannot buy a cow without testing it out first, but the saying why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free applies more strongly when it comes to sex. I mean why should a guy commit to a girl, or a man to a woman, when they already get free goods without the commitment. My sister once told me something an older woman had told her, “If a man does not place a ring on a woman’s finger, than he does not owe her anything it does not matter if they like each other or whether they are boyfriend and girlfriend, he owes her nothing.” From what I’ve seen, it seems like a lot of guys feel the same way.

So don’t be in a rush to jump into sex for any reason it is better to wait, to grow, to mature, to become wiser, rather than be a notch on a guy’s belt simply because you fell for his words of sweet-nothings because in the end nothing is all he is whispering into your ear, but in your denial you hear something else.

Jealousy & Competition

Jealousy and competition is something in my eyes that go hand-in-hand especially in our society. The disunity among women of all races for petty grievances is something that continues to plague women especially in America, but this epidemic, yes it is an epidemic, is something that starts from young. As kids we don’t really know how to articulate ourselves, but we know the feeling we felt when the cute little boy we had a crush on would sit next to “that girl,” share his crayons with her or even give her the dessert in his lunchbox. The feeling starts as jealousy and slowly but surely turns into a competition of attempting to get his attention, be it getting the seat next to him, offering to share crayons with him, or what have you and all in all there is a feeling of contempt toward the girl.

Now as we get older the theme of jealousy and competition continues, but instead it evolves into other areas of our life, such as friendships, family, work, and relationships,  but most of it continues to center around some guy or man that we like. When it centers on a guy it seems as though women get more defensive, nastier, and more destructive. They either give the women dirty looks, make certain comments about her, and at times are bold enough to even downright disrespect the woman who the guy is interested in. Now there is always the scenario that both women are doing the sabotaging to one another. However, it is both sad and disturbing.

The media of course plays off this and in some cases fuel it, but most of the time is the cause of it. Many children especially young girls watch television and the main target audience are teenagers, hence why teen dramas, which are mostly ridiculous in itself, are so popular and last for so many seasons. In these shows, there is constant competition and jealousy between various female characters toward the main female character or vice versa over….. Yes you name it a guy. They sabotage one another to the point that someone gets injured or hurt, heres looking at you Degrassi, or someone gets killed due to a joke based off jealousy that escalates. Now I will admit I would catch some episodes of the various TV shows that showcased the nonsense and it honestly painted a very unpleasant picture, one I’m sure was placed in the mind of other young girls that watched.

Imagine watching all these shows that surrounded high school, and you are not in high school yet, you will most likely expect your high school experience to be just like what was on the show, you expect the drama, but worse than that, the thought that a girl must compete with other girls to be the most popular, most beautiful, and so on is etched into the mind of these girls. The seed has been placed, set, and planted. Now I’m not saying it’s the TV shows fault completely, but they do play a crucial part in the process. From my experience, I had dealt with girls that were just beyond ridiculous, for me it was based on a lot of different reasons, but it all boils down to jealousy and competition.

They either thought I wanted the guy the wanted, even though the guy would simply be my friend, or felt that I was acting as though I was better than them, something I do not understand since I’m one that mostly sticks to myself, but either way there was always unnecessary drama that seriously was not needed. But this is a common scene that I see playing toward many other girls. One time on the Tyra Show, she was talking about hating, which consist of jealousy and gave an example of how a girl can have a bag that is very nice looking, but some other girls who see it will say something about the bag being distasteful, when they know they would get it themselves if they could. This is a mentality that a lot of women have, whether teenager or adult and it seems as though it is something that will continue to be taught to younger children.

Just a few months ago, a 12-year-old girl was beaten so badly that she ended up in a coma and it was by six people, a girl her age and adult women. The 13-year-old involve in jumping the girl, had thrown a birthday party and her mother had seen her boyfriend kiss the 12-year-old on the cheek, so the mother told her to handle her business and as a result the poor girl was beaten up, and the 13-years-old mother was one of the adults that aided in sending the poor girl into a coma. This is sad beyond belief because already the girl is taught to be jealous of any girl that comes near her boyfriend and to view her as competition that needs to be taken out; she’s 13 and that relationship will have a 9/10 chance of not lasting long anyway.

But in the end its the two evils of the world that continue to plague women and sadly enough I don’t see it ending, J&C has almost every woman blind, deaf, and dumb.