To Sex or Not to Sex?

 The title is taken from the Shakespearian play Hamlet, when Hamlet starts his soliloquy with “To be or not to be”; however, this post deals with sex and females reactions to it as well as what they are told about it.

One can look in various dictionaries, Google search, Yahoo answers, Bing, MSN, and so on to find the definition of sex, which usually describes the physical aspect of the act, which is male genital, penis, into the female genital, the vagina, yet most definitions lack mentioning the emotional aspect and the pressure of it and how it goes beyond the physical experience. I define sex as a physical and emotional combining of two people who have been destined to be together and have matured to understand the difference between lust and true love. Now let’s be honest, most people do not understand the difference between the two L words and usually think they are interchangeable or that lust is an amazing substitute for love.

Sex is thrown constantly in people’s face, talked about, done, thought about, video tapped, fantasized about, and more stuff. Yet again it’s mostly the physical act of two bodies’ and the release known as an orgasm and the other forms such as foreplay and yadda, yadda, yadda. Puberty is one of the worst ages, for most, because it is all that runs through teenager’s minds. I’m saying all this to point out the fact that sex is never explained in its entirety and teenage girls, guys, women, men and so on do not know when or how to hold off from it. It’s gotten to the point that many believe the whole “waiting-till-marriage” mentality is now archaic.

Now again, sex is everywhere because sex sells, but its image and the way that it has been abused has not tainted the very act and has made it more a cheap, easy thrill rather than a special union. Teenage pregnancy is on the rise in America more than any other country around, dispute it if you will, and though many complain about it, no one targets the reasons behind it. For some it’s not having a father in the home, so many girls do not know a positive male role model to know what to recognize in a potential husband, and guys usually feel as though they hold the power simply for having a reproductive organ that hangs between their legs. I am mostly going to focus on the female aspect; for others it’s the pressure to prove to the guy they like or are dating that they truly do love them, and in these cases the guy is able to sweet talk them enough to not use any sort of protection, other than the pull-out method, which is the most ineffective form of protection, just as the women who agreed to the method and ended up pregnant, there is no guarantee the guy will pull out in time and with basic common sense, logic does not support it.

Then there are the ones that believe that they can sleep with enough guys and will in some way find the one and the ones that simply enjoy sex simply because they do, with no strings attached. However the case, the casual attitude toward sex is again a result of society, the images of sex being this positive thing without consequences. Now some may argue that society can’t always be blamed, but watch the shows and movies, even PG-13 ones and can point out as many hints or glimpses or scenes of sex or sexual suggestion and its crazy. Again the market’s target audiences are teens and this is another issue, they are given an illusion without facts and without proper guidance. For example, in Vampire Diaries, a show that I like simple due to the character Bonnie, showed the female lead, Elena and one of the male leads, Stefan, having sex after only knowing one another for a few weeks. There are far more examples I could quote from various TV shows but I’ll end it with Vampire Diaries.

Many girls do not know how to wait when it comes to sex and think that it is something that one jumps in and out, but it’s not, then they get mad when the very opposite of what they believe happens, which crushes any hope for some of them to get on the right path. Yes, most girls will not wait till marriage to have sex, but many should. I cannot even argue the use protection aspect because obviously that is not working. There is not teaching about the ups and downs of sex, the emotional roller coaster, and way it changes girls, especially when they give it up to the wrong guy. I remember a saying that said no matter whether a woman is having casual sex or not, every partner she has will take a piece of her with them. For many women and teen girls this lays at heart of their actions because although they may feel as though they are in control or will be in the end they are really at a disadvantage that will leave them empty without an identity to cling to.

Sex is an act that should be taught to be waited on, simply being with a guy for a few days, weeks, months, and even years does not ensure that it will be forever, that he is the person that you are meant to be with, and that he deserves to enter your very being. There are many people who will say that they wish they had waited for the right person before the engaged in such an act. Sex requires a maturity level that many people lack, no teenager likes to hear that they are not mature for A or B, but in reality none of them are, heck there are adult women that are not mature, age does not equate with wisdom, at least not all the time. Heck I should know, but that’s another story for another time.

When it comes to sex some say that you cannot buy a cow without testing it out first, but the saying why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free applies more strongly when it comes to sex. I mean why should a guy commit to a girl, or a man to a woman, when they already get free goods without the commitment. My sister once told me something an older woman had told her, “If a man does not place a ring on a woman’s finger, than he does not owe her anything it does not matter if they like each other or whether they are boyfriend and girlfriend, he owes her nothing.” From what I’ve seen, it seems like a lot of guys feel the same way.

So don’t be in a rush to jump into sex for any reason it is better to wait, to grow, to mature, to become wiser, rather than be a notch on a guy’s belt simply because you fell for his words of sweet-nothings because in the end nothing is all he is whispering into your ear, but in your denial you hear something else.

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