Male privilege, along with other privileges, is present around the world. The man gets to do xyz, but the woman can’t; if she were to do the same as her male counter-part she would be negatively labeled. This post is specifically for boys and the messages they are constantly given at a young age; how to be whores. Some people say that boys and men can’t be whores, *laughs*, which is a huge lie because they definitely can. Some say there is nothing wrong with boys experimenting, and doing all sorts of sexual rights of passages, but there is something seriously wrong. Boys are not being taught how to be men and the “men” in their lives that aid them on their journey of manhood, are mentally and emotionally boys themselves.
There is one excuse used for boys, its one everyone has heard: “boys will be boys.” This excuse is used to explain everything and end arguments; I’ll give you some scenarios:
Boy robs a store. “Boys will be boys”
Boy tries to force himself on a girl. “Boys will be boys”
Boy gets a girl pregnant. “Boys will be boys”
Boy sleeps with many different girls. “Boys will be boys”
Boy puts a drug in a girls drink. “Boys will be boys”
I want to focus on the sexual aspect when it comes to boys. They are taught that it is okay to sleep around; in fact it is their God-given right to do so. Some will even go as far as quoting different kings in the Bible that had many wives, concubines, and more. *Solomon, David* But these are used to justify the privilege society tells them is theirs, simply for having their reproductive organ shaped a certain way.
A lot of parents and society disadvantage boys from a young age, because they tell them that their essence in being a boy who will one day be a man, is in their sexual conquest, how many warms holes they can fit themselves into, how many women they have around them, and how many women they can play. All of this makes the boy see his worth in his sexual prowl, how good he is in bed, rather than how good of a person he is and what he will contribute to his community and to the world. This type of teaching does not focus on ensuring the boy is mentally, psychologically, and spiritually mature as they get older, so they can be more than their flesh.
Boys are encouraged to be whores as though it’s a badge of honor, but in reality we should be encouraging them to preserve themselves. We should be telling them to save their bodies, to only give themselves to their wives, the woman who will match them in more ways than one, who they can give and receive love from, support, affection, and so on. However, we tell them that with the power of their stroke, they are to be treated as Kings, without having to give anything in return.
I know for a fact that when I have a son, I will not raise him to think its okay to sleep with every Tamina, Sally, and Mary, or in order to be a man he simply needs to disrespect women or simply view them as objects, second class citizens, to satisfy him.
Think about how some male virgins are treated, almost like they are alien, and why is that? What makes it wrong for a boy to know at an early age that sharing his body should be something for someone special, someone who is worthy of it, someone who is on his page? Nothing, but society says that, that is not what is supposed to happen, that men are to share themselves with everyone.
The label for men being promiscuous and hyper-sexualized is heavily targeted toward African-American males and Latino males, especially at a young age; with names such as “Mandingo warrior,” and”Latino Heat”, and so on. For boys there is nothing wrong with being a virgin, in fact I encourage more to save themselves for the right person for them.
I don’t care what gender a person is, when you have sexual relations with someone, whether emotions are involved or not, a part of you is given to them. No matter how casual people and the media try to make sex seem, it isn’t when you allow things to go that far, you and the person are sharing one another’s baggage. Ask a lot of “men” who have slept around, and I bet you they remember a lot of the women they slept with and in quiet times they even think about those women, even if they say they can’t stand her, they are still thinking about her.
This happens because of the bond that sex creates between people. I could never wrap my head around how guys who had multiple partners, would then want to be with a virgin, but look down on the very women who has a sexual rap sheet as long as theirs. In my mind birds of a feather should stick together, not want what is not in their league.
Boys need to be encouraged to wait as well and to build themselves spiritually, mentally, psychologically, and emotionally. They should know that they are more than their bodies, that if they are to be truly men, than they must be mature on more levels than the bedroom and know how to handle their emotions.
And parents educate your sons, whether there is a father involved or not, don’t just give them condoms and think that’s it, sit down and give them the same talk you would give to your daughters. Fathers praising your son for having sex is stupid again talk to him, don’t just dap him up and act like you are watching a football game, and leave it like that, actually TALK to them.
I see why boys end up messed up in today’s society and turn into men who can’t function correctly because they are constantly bombarded with illusions of what being masculine is about, especially when it comes to sex, and all these illusions stunt their growth in other important areas they need to develop in.
Rant: Calling a woman a bitch, a hoe, or a whore is not cool. Bragging about how many women you have slept with is not attractive. Also I’m tired of all these dudes that don’t like women but know that they need them. Hello, stop blaming women for everything. And for those that complain about women so much, for stupid reasons or reasons that they caused themselves, turn gay, that way you will never have to deal with women again.
Think of the men who have approached you with a few comedic pick-up lines and when you declined, began calling you every name but a child of God, that ”man” is physically just that, but inside is a boy who was never taught about emotional maturity.
This will probably get a series by itself, but this is the video that what inspired this post: Are We Raising Our Boys to be Whores?