To Sex or Not to Sex (Boys Edition)

Male privilege, along with other privileges, is present around the world. The man gets to do xyz, but the woman can’t; if she were to do the same as her male counter-part she would be negatively labeled. This post is specifically for boys and the messages they are constantly given at a young age; how to be whores. Some people say that boys and men can’t be whores, *laughs*, which is a huge lie because they definitely can. Some say there is nothing wrong with boys experimenting, and doing all sorts of sexual rights of passages, but there is something seriously wrong. Boys are not being taught how to be men and the “men” in their lives that aid them on their journey of manhood, are mentally and emotionally boys themselves.

There is one excuse used for boys, its one everyone has heard: “boys will be boys.” This excuse is used to explain everything and end arguments; I’ll give you some scenarios:

Boy robs a store. “Boys will be boys”

Boy tries to force himself on a girl. “Boys will be boys”

Boy gets a girl pregnant. “Boys will be boys”

Boy sleeps with many different girls. “Boys will be boys”

Boy puts a drug in a girls drink. “Boys will be boys”

I want to focus on the sexual aspect when it comes to boys. They are taught that it is okay to sleep around; in fact it is their God-given right to do so. Some will even go as far as quoting different kings in the Bible that had many wives, concubines, and more. *Solomon, David* But these are used to justify the privilege society tells them is theirs, simply for having their reproductive organ shaped a certain way.

A lot of parents and society disadvantage boys from a young age, because they tell them that their essence in being a boy who will one day be a man, is in their sexual conquest, how many warms holes they can fit themselves into, how many women they have around them, and how many women they can play. All of this makes the boy see his worth in his sexual prowl, how good he is in bed, rather than how good of a person he is and what he will contribute to his community and to the world. This type of teaching does not focus on ensuring the boy is mentally, psychologically, and spiritually mature as they get older, so they can be more than their flesh.

Boys are encouraged to be whores as though it’s a badge of honor, but in reality we should be encouraging them to preserve themselves. We should be telling them to save their bodies, to only give themselves to their wives, the woman who will match them in more ways than one, who they can give and receive love from, support, affection, and so on. However, we tell them that with the power of their stroke, they are to be treated as Kings, without having to give anything in return.

I know for a fact that when I have a son, I will not raise him to think its okay to sleep with every Tamina, Sally, and Mary, or in order to be a man he simply needs to disrespect women or simply view them as objects, second class citizens, to satisfy him.

Think about how some male virgins are treated, almost like they are alien, and why is that? What makes it wrong for a boy to know at an early age that sharing his body should be something for someone special, someone who is worthy of it, someone who is on his page? Nothing, but society says that, that is not what is supposed to happen, that men are to share themselves with everyone.

The label for men being promiscuous and hyper-sexualized is heavily targeted toward African-American males and Latino males, especially at a young age; with names such as “Mandingo warrior,” and”Latino Heat”, and so on. For boys there is nothing wrong with being a virgin, in fact I encourage more to save themselves for the right person for them.

I don’t care what gender a person is, when you have sexual relations with someone, whether emotions are involved or not, a part of you is given to them. No matter how casual people and the media try to make sex seem, it isn’t when you allow things to go that far, you and the person are sharing one another’s baggage. Ask a lot of “men” who have slept around, and I bet you they remember a lot of the women they slept with and in quiet times they even think about those women, even if they say they can’t stand her, they are still thinking about her.

This happens because of the bond that sex creates between people. I could never wrap my head around how guys who had multiple partners, would then want to be with a virgin, but look down on the very women who has a sexual rap sheet as long as theirs. In my mind birds of a feather should stick together, not want what is not in their league.

Boys need to be encouraged to wait as well and to build themselves spiritually, mentally, psychologically, and emotionally. They should know that they are more than their bodies, that if they are to be truly men, than they must be mature on more levels than the bedroom and know how to handle their emotions.

And parents educate your sons, whether there is a father involved or not, don’t just give them condoms and think that’s it, sit down and give them the same talk you would give to your daughters. Fathers praising your son for having sex is stupid again talk to him, don’t just dap him up and act like you are watching a football game, and leave it like that, actually TALK to them.

I see why boys end up messed up in today’s society and turn into men who can’t function correctly because they are constantly bombarded with illusions of what being masculine is about, especially when it comes to sex, and all these illusions stunt their growth in other important areas they need to develop in.

Rant: Calling a woman a bitch, a hoe, or a whore is not cool. Bragging about how many women you have slept with is not attractive. Also I’m tired of all these dudes that don’t like women but know that they need them. Hello, stop blaming women for everything. And for those that complain about women so much, for stupid reasons or reasons that they caused themselves, turn gay, that way you will never have to deal with women again.

Think of the men who have approached you with a few comedic pick-up lines and when you declined, began calling you every name but a child of God, that ”man” is physically just that, but inside is a boy who was never taught about emotional maturity.

This will probably get a series by itself, but this is the video that what inspired this post: Are We Raising Our Boys to be Whores?


Philadelphia School District… WTH?

I am on a site that I have provided links to on many occasions and I read this: Bullied 6-year-old finds no help from school district. Now I would really like you to read the whole thing because its important. The post is about a 6-year old Menduawor being bullied by three kids at his school; the boy has been physically injured and had to go to the hospital many times. Guess what the school district did? Not a dang on thing, in fact they gave the boy’s parents Gbahtuo and Rachel Comgbaye the run around, multiple times. The three bullies, who are first graders and African-American picked on the boy telling him that “they didn’t like his name.” (Yeah you read that right).

I have been bullied before and I do not condone it. Let alone for little kids to be beating others into the hospital. Menduawor’s parents has not sent the boy to school and the school have threatened them with the fact that he is being marked absent. I’m trying to get my head around this whole situation. The district school officials who didn’t do not a dang-on thing now wants to threaten people? You have got to be joking me.

The area has growing tension between Africans and African-American’s, well I say middle finger to all that. If African-American’s got a problem with the African’s moving in they can just shut the fuck up cause we moving in. This is what bothers me, these same people act the way whites act when they come into their neighborhood. Like really?

As I read the post I found myself getting upset because this little boy is being picked on for no reason other than he’s African. The school and those little bad ass boys better be glad that the Comgbaye’s didn’t whoop they little asses. Real talk if this happened to my child there would be hell to pay and I dare someone try to do something about it, I got something for them that even the military ain’t got. What the hell are the parents of today teaching their children? It’s okay to pick on someone because they are different then you and then they wonder why the kids of today are messed up in the head now?

African-American’s, this doesn’t speak for all, but I have seen how they treat African’s, like they are better than them cause they speak “English” and don’t have an accent or a long name, or whatever they say to make themselves feel better. I am African and the crap I heard was ridiculous, but let an African say something about Black Americans that’s when all hell breaks loose, you can kiss me good-bye with that. I had to many times put some African-American’s in their place about how they were not “superior” to African’s in any way and boy did they get mad, boo-hoo.

I am upset that the school district didn’t do a dang-on thing about the incidents and then want to be stupid and act like shit gets real when the parents get serious with they ass. Bullying in general is getting out of hand, I dislike everything about bullying because it can mess some people up for years and for some it builds them up. I agree with the posters that the three boys doing the bullying are most likely learning this behavior from their parents, but all I have to say is whoever they are learning this from ain’t shit.

Gosh I don’t even know really what to say. I am so upset. Like what the heck is going on in the world? I believe the devil is working over time with all this nonsense that’s happening. I want the school district to be sued, the parents of the three bullies, and every authoritative figure in that school that turned a blind eye to the bullying.

It should not take the threat of a law suit to make the school district act right. This is why I just shake my head at the officials placed in schools they get paid to befriend the bad kids and not discipline them. I’ll leave you guys with this: Shit never gets real until the bullied kid shoots up the school, that’s when folks start wishing and hoping that they had done something before.

P.S. Philadelphia School District I raise you my middle finger, and to those kids parents or guardians, I hope someone calls CPS, and to the Comgbaye family my heart goes out to you guys and please, please, please sue these bastards.

Missing: Jahessye (Jessie) Shockley

Jahessye Shockley went missing between October 12-14 in Phoenix, Arizona. The five-year old was last seen by her three siblings around 5 p.m. and never again. It is said that the little girl left the house by unlocking the door and walking out. An Amber alert had been set in placed for her, for 48 hours, but had to be taken down. The suburban area of Glendale, where she lives, has aided in helping to look for her along with plenty of volunteers. However, despite all efforts made Shockley is still missing. There have been further updates in her case, but none that has yield any results. She is 3 feet and 5 inches tall, brown eyes, weighs 55 pounds, and was last seen wearing a plain white t-shirt, blue jean shorts, and pink sandals. Anyone with information can call (623)-930-4357. I do not know about Arizona let alone the Phoenix area, but anyone that has any information please call in. All these missing kids that I have posted about that I can barely find detail information on hurts my heart cause there is no reason why they should be treated as though they are not important. Please let’s get these kids home because these children are ours, whether we know them or not.

Jahessye Shockley

Missing: 11-year-old William’s (Update)

The article is here. The boy’s mother, Jane McQuain was found dead in her bedroom in Germantown and her son was last seen September 30. Montgomery County police in Maryland have issued an Amber alert for the boy. Investigators are looking into the matter. I wish I could get more info, but this is all the article offered. I agree with the comment below the article that the boy could have been kidnapped by someone familiar. The kidnapper and the boy are most likely still within the DMV area so please lets spread the word. Please do not let this boy gradually be forgotten.

The little boy was found dead; he had been found dead and it was reported on the news, but I couldn’t bring myself to update and say it. R.I.P little angel I know you are with your mom.


African-Americans time for us to have a SERIOUS chat

I created my posts on colorism and although its far from over it has been renewed. There was this discussion about the exoticizing of Women of color and its history. The topic turned to Alex Wek, when she first came on the scene and how the magazines and photographers would place her in animal print and other attire. There was a picture of Wek, who is very gorgeous by the way, and some of the guys in the discussion couldn’t or should I say refused to see her beauty. They came with the comments of “she’s pretty in her own way” and “Shes not my type,” however, these same dudes were salivating over Amber Rose.

Now don’t get me wrong both women are gorgeous and I take nothing away from them; however the mindset of the guys with the most negative things to say about Wek have an issue and its colorism. I look at different Black medias today, although most are not owned by blacks *cough* BET *cough* and sure enough there is a common pattern; dark-skinned women are not represented at all. Heck even look at black movies and sure enough dark-skinned women are not represented and if they are, they are loud, obnoxious, rude, sassy, and every black stereotype under the sun. No one seems to question it or bat an eye to it, but we all see it for what it is.

I no longer care to focus on the slavery mentality aspect of it because Africans in America no matter what you want to call yourself, you have resources at your disposal to educate yourself about your history, your self-esteem, your self-worth, and who you are, However, it seems that for many they enjoy the ignorance taught to them and when confronted with the truth they become even more ignorant.

Whether we want to admit it or not, African-Americans are trained in the art of hating dark-skin period. Now don’t get me wrong there are many men and women that fawn over dark-skinned men and blah blah blah, but there will always be something said about how that brotha is too dark or he so black… (finish the line if you will). It’s just more blatant when it comes to dark-skinned women or should I say it’s deemed more acceptable when it’s toward dark-skinned women. The whole black is beautiful movement has a condition to it, which is black is beautiful when it’s not TOO black. I call bullshit on all of this. I find black to be beautiful in all its hues, but that’s because I don’t drink kool-aid, I drink water. Lies are full of different nonsense, but the truth remains clear in all its forms.

I know some people will say that those guys have preferences and they are entitled to them, and that is true, but you can’t claim you have a preference for something that you have been told to have a preference for. Since I’m dark-skinned I should only like and date light-skinned guys because of “preference” something the media/black community has told me to like. For example, one day I was waiting for my bus and this lady sees me and begins telling me how pretty I am for a dark-skinned girl for a few minutes(insert wtf look), she seemed so shocked like a pretty dark-skinned girl is rare, and then she goes on to give me some fucked up advice. “You know what you do? You get you a light-skin man and fuck the shit out of him.” Mind you this lady is old enough to be my mother and at the time I looked about 12 or younger.  

Preference is another word for self-hate in my eyes because of the way it is used in America. These same guys would call foul if the girls that they prefer were to tell them that they weren’t their preference, especially if the girl is white or Latina then they might start marching and restart the civil rights movement.

I’m sure for a fact that if Wek was light-skinned these guys wouldn’t be making these excuses. Seriously African-American, not all of you, you need to educate yourselves and deprogram yourselves, all this self-hate that you have, you pass on to the next generation and continue  to be at a stand-still when it comes to community building. I mean there has to be a reason why the black man in America is getting lighter and lighter and the white man is staying the same, he may be tanning, but he still has his pale skin when it washes off.

“The Black skin is not a badge of shame, but rather a glorious symbol of national greatness.” ~Marcus Garvey

 Side-Note: How come I can never see two dark-skinned people together in a movie? Yes, Daddy’s Little Girl’s count, but they lightened up Gabriel Union, I peep game.